Stacey’s version of the story
The story of Shane and me began with a bowl of vegan nacho cheese. Wait, maybe it began with our friend Sasha. Or, it’s also possible that it began with the internetz, or maybe with Puritan settlers landing on Plymouth Rock. In any case, it began, and this is what happened:
Sasha had invited me to Circle of Dead Pilgrims: an all vegan, semi-formal sit down punk rock Thanksgiving potluck at her house. This was a bit outside my normal group of friends, but sounded fun, so I attended the dinner with cookies (sugar), my dog (Beta), and a platonic date (Anthony) in tow. I had to leave Beta in the car, as Sasha informed me that the house currently had a “guest” living there – some guy (Shane) who also had a dog (Civ) that probably wouldn’t like Beta. Damn, that Shane and Civ were sure harshing my mellow. But all was forgiven when I learned that this same Shane character was responsible for making the ridiculously delicious vegan nacho cheese I had been guzzling since the moment I walked in the door. Anyways, dinner started and seats were limited, so I took one next to a few people I’d never met before. A few minutes into the dinner and conversation, I learned that the guy sitting next to me was vegan, straight edge, and had moved to California from Washington. Just like me. Next, I learned that he was moving back to Seattle the following afternoon. Then, he mentioned that he’d been staying at Sasha’s for the last month. The next part of the conversation went something like this:
“OH! Are you Shane?”
“Yea.”
“Cool, I really liked your nacho cheese.”
Clearly, the attraction was strong. I guess he figured he had nothing to lose (I mean, he was moving back to Seattle the next day), so he regaled me with stories one wouldn’t normally tell a girl they’re trying to impress, including:
- How he’d partly moved to California for a girl he met on the internet, but it didn’t work.
- How he’d partly moved to California for a six figure developer job, but it didn’t work.
- How he was essentially living out of his van.
He was an interesting fellow to say the least, but as dinner concluded, my “date” (Anthony) was pushing to leave ASAP. Shane likely assumed Anthony was my boyfriend, and I understood that Shane was moving to Seattle the next day, so we parted with a sort of “see you around” goodbye.
Bummer.
The next morning, I emailed my best girlfriends (Nicole, Lisa, Maribeth) and told them about the guy I had met at the potluck. I typed about how we had so much in common but he was moving back to Seattle that day. “I didn’t pursue it, but it’s nice to know that guys like that exist,” I wrote them. Then, my brain started doing some clicking. Shane. Seattle. Vegan / Straightedge. It all sounded way too familiar. I had to consult the interwebz to put it together. Twitter.com/veganstraightedge. Shane Becker. His last tweet talked about how full he was from a vegan Thanksgiving potluck. HOLY CRAP, I’d been following this guy on Twitter for over a year. This was all too weird, so I had to follow it up with a message to Shane. I found him on Facebook and sent him the following:
Okay so I knew when I met you at the vegan potluck last night that you looked super familiar. it took me a while to figure it out but i finally put it together – i’ve been following you on twitter for like a year. hahah sooo random!
I think I saw you on one of my friends pages one day and liked that your handle is “veganstraightedge” so I randomly started following you. I’m staceyxvx on there, but i never use twitter anymore. ANYWAYS. nice to officially meet you. hope your travels back to seattle go well! keep in touch.
Stacey
Within minutes, he wrote me back:
oh man, that’s hilarious.
small small world.
so yeah, it’s nice to meet you for reals too.
lemme know when you’re up north. we’ll get some lunch and trade war stories.
sb
And then two minutes later:
actually, if you’re free this afternoon/evening, how would you feel about me spending a day in santa monica with you before hitting road.
i’ve got a pretty strict “no schedules, no regrets” policy.
801.898.9481
sb
Oh. My. God. This kind of stuff doesn’t happen in real life. I texted him immediately and we agreed to meet up that afternoon. I shot an email back to my girlfriends letting them know that the non-pursuit didn’t exactly work as planned, and got ready to spend a few hours with that cute xvx guy with the delicious nacho cheese.
Shane came over. We got hair cuts together. We walked Civ and Beta around Santa Monica, took a stroll up the pier and sat overlooking the Pacific ocean at sunset. It was picturesque. The conversation flowed with witty banter, jokes, sincerity, and a refreshing, genuine LIKENESS for each other. No BS, no coy attitude, just two people getting along swimmingly. (He’ll laugh at this. That first night we both agreed that we love that word. In fact, we both have an affinity for interesting vocabulary and impeccable grammar, which bonded us immediately.) We talked about our mutual disdain for “normal” life activities like getting married and having babies. (Later, Shane will tell me that he didn’t know vegan, straight edge, atheist girls who don’t want to get married or have babies existed. “I thought you were a unicorn,” he will say.) That evening, I was supposed to meet up with the girls for dinner, but I wasn’t ready to let this guy go back to Seattle yet so I invited him along. I was delighted when Shane truly got along with my girlfriends, and they liked him back! When he got up to go to the bathroom, we gossiped about my day with him and how bummed I was that he was leaving town. At this point, it was getting late, and while my girlfriends were going to go out to a bar, Shane and I decided to go back to my place and watch Gossip Girl (swoon). Clearly, it was too late for him to hit the road, so I invited him to stay the night in Santa Monica (wily girl trick, I know). And then, while Blair and Little J argued on the steps of the Met, Shane kissed me and it was downright magical.
At this point, we were hooked. He had to head north, but we both wanted to spend some more time together. We talked about maybe going up to Santa Barbara so I could see him off from a little farther North. He was planning on stopping in San Francisco for a few days, and I offered to possibly meet him up there for a weekend. There was no way I would let this be another cliche Thanksgiving fling (wait, does that happen?). Shane was on the same page, and offered to stay just ONE MORE night in Santa Monica…
Shane ended up heading North. He got as far as San Francisco a couple of times, but kept returning to Los Angeles. We spent the holidays with my family. We rang in the new year. By Valentine’s Day, we had found a dream house together and were living blissfully, poolside, in the perpetual summer that is Hollywood. He actually ended up getting that job he had come to California for. Civ and Beta even became best friends. To this day, it hurts my brain to think about all the tiny, seemingly insignificant details that led to this happiness. What if I had chosen not to attend Sasha’s potluck? What if I had picked a different seat? What if he hadn’t seen my message until he was already on the road to Seattle? Somehow, things just barely managed to line up in the exact right way. I’ve never been a big believer in “fate” or “love at first sight” or “destiny.” I’ve always felt that I had control over my own future. But I do believe in luck. At least, I feel like I got lucky. I know, these types of things never happen in real life, right? Well, I guess they don’t until suddenly one day, they do.
My version of the story
This story starts at the office of a small startup company in Seattle, WA. Thirteen months after getting hired, they laid me off (and 10 or so others). I couldn’t have been happier. I was totally miserable working in online advertising. I took some time off to figure out what I wanted to do next. I took a little trip down South America way to shore up my depleted vitamin d deficiency. But I still didn’t have a plan.
So I did what I always do, cut my hair and left town.
Originally, it was gonna be a 4 month 48 state road trip then back to Seattle. Soon though, I realized I wasn’t happy there. I bought a van, sold all my stuff and hit the road. I only made it to 24 states. Bummer.
I was in Florida and was tired of being on the road. I ended up moving to Los Angeles at the prospect of a job and a girl. Neither of which panned out. I guess that’s prolly the story of moving to LA for most people.
I was fortunate enough to meet Sasha, Matt, Mike and Budge who let me and my dog (Civ) crash in their living room for a month while I sorted out my LA plans. As it became clear that LA wasn’t in the cards for me, I decided to concede defeat and drive north to Seattle. My last night in town was the night of Circle of Dead Pilgrims, the pre-Thanksgiving vegan Thanksgiving potluck at Sasha, Matt, Mike and Budge’s house.
I made my vegan nooch nacho cheese. Turns out that the cheese was 3.2% of something. More on that later.
Finally it was time to eat. I sat across from Luz who sitting next to Budge. Some random boy was to my right, some girl to my left. That girl turned out to be a keeper. She was vegan, straightedge, atheist, confident and gorgeous. She also had some dude with her. I was under the impression that he was her boyfriend. But whatever really, because I was leaving town in the morning.
Dinner was delicious, conversation was good, spirits were high. A pretty good last night in LA. But all was not as it seemed.
In the morning I had a message in my inbox from Stacey Spencer, the girl from dinner the night before. Huh. That’s something. As chance would have it, she had been following me on Twitter for the previous year and her bff is a friend of mine from Seattle too. Small world.
Subject: holy shit.
Okay so I knew when I met you at the vegan potluck last night that you looked super familiar. it took me a while to figure it out but i finally put it together – i’ve been following you on twitter for like a year. hahah sooo random!
I think I saw you on one of my friends pages one day and liked that your handle is “veganstraightedge” so I randomly started following you. I’m staceyxvx on there, but i never use twitter anymore. ANYWAYS. nice to officially meet you. hope your travels back to seattle go well! keep in touch.
Stacey
I wrote her back.
oh man, that’s hilarious.
small small world.
so yeah, it’s nice to meet you for reals too.
lemme know when you’re up north. we’ll get some lunch and trade war stories.
sb
Then wrote her again right away.
actually, if you’re free this afternoon/evening, how would you feel about me spending a day in santa monica with you before hitting road.
i’ve got a pretty strict “no schedules, no regrets” policy.
801.898.9481
sb
I met her in Santa Monica. We went to some overly hip salon and got haircuts. Then over to the Santa Monica pier where we walked both of our dogs, Civ and Beta, who kept getting their leashes tangled together. We ended our walk at the end of the pier and watched the sunset. I’m not making this up. Tangly leashes and sunsets. It was like a romantic comedy filled with grammar jokes.
It was dark now and I had no intention of driving up the PCH at night. Stacey invited me to her dinner with her three girlfriends. Very Sex and the City. When I went to the bathroom, I took my sweet time so they could girl talk about me. Again, dinner was delicious, conversation was good, spirits were high. A pretty good last night again in LA. But all was not as it seemed, still.
We went back to her place and put on some TV. I was pretty certain at this point that I was reading Stacey’s signals right. But it’s always kind of a crap shoot making that first move. She did something small that really helped clarify things for me; she leaned her knees against mine. That was it. I kissed her for the first time while watching Gossip Girl.
I stayed the night in Santa Monica. Next day we had lunch up by her work in Oxnard. Then I stayed the night in Santa Monica again. Things were good. Real good. I was full of conflict about leaving. This one was totally worth sticking around for.
I was planning on going to RubyConf in San Francisco on way to Seattle to see some nerd friends and see about possible jobs. Civ and I drove up to San Francisco (technically it was Burlingame, but let’s not split hairs). I saw the nerds, interviewed at some startups, my van broke, saw the kids, slept in my van on the side of the road, saw a dude poop in a pizza box and all I could think about was getting back to this girl.
I called in a favor from my dear friend Dallin, got my van fixed and went to see about a girl.
After a few weeks I asked her to be my girlfriend. After a month I still hadn’t had any job luck. We decided to take a little road trip up to Seattle to see some friends, but before we left I got a call about a job. The job. The one that I originally came to LA for. This time it did work. They hired me on and I started right away.
Shortly there later, we decided to get a house in LA closer to both of our jobs and with some yard for the dogs. The second place that we looked at was this dreamy pool house.
We have two dogs, a cat, a pool, house, yard, good jobs and are totally in love. LA worked out after all.
Oh yeah, that 3.2% from earlier about the nacho cheese? Months later Stacey told me that my cheese being so tasty was prolly 3.2% cause of us getting together.
I made a mistake this weekend. I took the bait and fell into a trap.
I mistakenly got into one of those “discussions” about something I believe. The kind where I’m talking about something I believe so completely that there’s no convincing me otherwise. The other person believes the opposite just as completely.
We dance around about high level stuff for awhile mincing words, throwing clever examples and anecdotal evidence back and forth. After sometime I realize the truth: we disagree so fundamentally that there’s no reconciling our differences about the superficial details.
I realized (or maybe re-realized for the umpteenth time) that we often or almost always have different base assumptions, different Truths™ that we base all our other ideas upon. I am going to try an experiment, when I can’t not get sucked into these conversations that I should otherwise prefer to avoid, I’ll start by stating my assumptions.
Let’s start with the assumption that animals deserve liberty, too.
Let’s start with the assumption that for the same reason you don’t believe in all the gods of other religions, I don’t believe in yours either.
Let’s start with the assumption that the suffering of animals (both human and non-human) and the wholesale destruction of the planet are intrinsically linked.
Let’s start with the assumption that we are running out of oil (of natural gas, coal, fresh water, arable land… of all life supporting systems) and that Our Way of Life™ cannot continute forever.
Let’s start with the assumption that infinite growth in a finite system is not only not preferable, but simply not possible.
Let’s start with the assumption that if something didn’t work before (especially if it hasn’t worked for years/decades/ever), doing more of it this year won’t work either.
Let’s start with the assumption that you and I might (or probably) won’t agree about everything and that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.
Here’s the difference, as I see it.
To take over is outsiders coming in. Imperialism.
To take back is to reclaim what was once yours. Independence.
So, to take over, say… a city that was never yours and that you’re not from, sounds to me like you’re a bunch of ego-maniacal imperialists. Might as well be building a fucking fully operational battle-station.
On the other hand, to live in that same city and to reclaim it from the evil forces that control it and (by proxy) you, that sounds to me like a revolution. A rebellion of worthy allies.
Imperialists always get what’s coming to them. Just ask Rome.
New motivational desktop background to keep me on target.
Stacey’s birthday vegan BBQ swimming pool fun housewarming party EXTRAVAGANZA with music by Bramble
Saturday March 27, 2010 3pm
I have some friends in Chile. Recently, there was a massive 8.8 earthquake. Money was pretty scarce for most of them even before the quake. Now times are even tougher, so I want to help them out. So we’re clearing house, selling all of our shirts on the cheap and sending the profits down to Chile. If you’ve ever considered buying a shirt from us before and haven’t, now’s the time to act. Buy a shirt and help some folks out who’ve been dealt a rough hand.
Domestic shipping is $3 for up to three shirts, $10 for up to three shirts internationally.
Shipping is FREE when you buy four or more shirts.
Buy the shirts from us at: The Resistance Army
More Photos by Ignacio Galvez
Photos by Ignacio Galvez
